Our lives have changed so much in the last 4 years. I’d always wanted to have children of my own. I’d always wanted to hear little voices calling, “Mommy” from upstairs. I’d expected my life would be care free, worry free, and pretty easy. Never did I ever imagine my first baby would die.
4 years have passed since we received the word that our 1st baby had some pretty severe abnormalities inside of her tiny little body. Our 20 week anatomy scan was supposed to be a very exciting hour of watching our baby move and wiggle on the tv screen. We watched in awe as the tech showed us her face, fingers, and feet. When she finished, she told us to hang tight until the doctor could see us. We walked out of this appointment with sad eyes following us out of the building, and tears flowing down our cheeks. I looked at my husband as we walked arm in arm and exclaimed, “We’re having a baby girl!” I was so excited and sobbing hysterically at the same time.
We met with our peri-natologist. After 2 hours of scanning my belly, and eventually scheduling an amniocentesis, we learned our 1st baby was indeed going to die. She had a very rare and severe chromosome abnormality called Trisomy 13. We then were faced with the decision of what to do next. I’ll be honest…for 30 seconds, the thought of inducing and delivering her early crossed my mind. Then I woke up from my daze and remembered she was OUR BABY! There was no way in Hell were we going to remove her from her most safe, sacred space before she was ready to be welcomed earth-side.
Sephora grew happily in my belly for 32 weeks and 3 days, until I developed Severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. My liver and kidneys were shutting down, my blood platelet count dropped, and my blood pressure was 190/98.
Sephora Angeline was born on Friday, May 18, 2012 at 10:25pm via ceserean birth. She was blue and not responding well to the oxygen they had given her, so my husband brought her over to me to hold. The nursing staff thought we’d only have seconds with her alive. She was so small. 3lbs 9oz, 16in.
Knowing she wasn’t going to live very long, I did the one thing I knew would console her. I sang. Our little Sephora came to life when she heard my voice. She passed away peacefully in my arms 4 1/2 hours later. Although our time with her was short, I loved every single second we spent with her. All 19,613,070 seconds with her. She was perfect.
We have grown a lot as a family since writing my last post, both emotionally and literally. We have another beautiful little girl who will be turning 1 year old very soon, Mr. Miles is 2 1/2, and Sephora would have been 3 1/2.
Stay tuned for more updates!