Friday, May 11, 2012 ~ 31 Weeks 3 Days
A wonderful song has been running through my head non stop since yesterday morning when I woke up, and I believe this is definitely the time to write about it. I firmly believe the mind subconsciously helps to bring you peace when you most need it. For every ultrasound, a different song has played in my head to essentially cope with the stress in that moment. More times than not, these songs are about strength. Today, the song that doesn’t stop is about blessings.
Yesterday, I mustered up the courage to contact one of the local funeral homes in the area to see what steps we would need to take, and to mentally prepare ourselves for Sephora’s possible passing. Because of our circumstance, the funeral home does everything they can to make this transition as easy and painless as possible for us. The Isabella Rose Project has also been able to give us some guidance as far as final preparations for our little one, and we are thankful for their support as well. After the phone call with the funeral home ended, the song entered my head…Laura Story “Blessings.”
“We Pray for blessings. We Pray for peace. Comfort for family and protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering. All the while, you hear each spoken need. Your Love is far too much to give us lesser things.”
That first verse has completely opened my eyes. We pray for all of these different things for our own lives and try to understand that His Love is far greater than our comprehension. As sad or distressed as we may be some days, I’ve come to learn that our journey with her is not to hurt us in any way. Her purpose is to help us to grow, change, evolve, and to help others comprehend and cope with the unimaginable and impossible circumstances of our lives. You see, God really doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I once thought her diagnosis was too much. It was unfair to “make me” carry a sick baby to term. Sephora has shown me that my life is not really as awful as I once thought. We must remember, with every trial that challenges us, there is a blessing waiting to embrace us at the finish line. Sephora is very happy in her cozy little home right now where she keeps me company all day. Her hiccups and movements are soothing, and sometimes tickle when she decides to make my belly ripple like the waves of the ocean. I know she hears me when I talk and sing to her. Even though our time with our “Beautiful Angel” Sephora Angeline, may be short, I do believe she was given to us to bring us joy. She always manages to put a smile on my face.