It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Sephora’s Garden ~ Filled with Bleeding Hearts and Angel’s Wing Begonia

Today is the day we were supposed to go home, but my body apparently had other plans. Although my blood work has been getting better, it isn’t quite good enough for the doctors to feel comfortable enough to let me go home. We had so many visitors come by this weekend to spend some time with us and our little Sephora. Today, our visitors have slowed a bit, so that gave Chris and I a little bit of time to be together with our baby. I had started to get sleepy after lunch, shortly after my mom had arrived to hang out for a bit. I ended up sleeping for nearly 2 hours! During that time period, our Palliative Care Team nurse, Sharon, stopped by to visit. She spoke briefly with Chris in the hallway. We were able to keep Sephora in our room with us from the moment she was born which was so comforting to us…and she wouldn’t have to leave us until I was discharged from the hospital. Because I had been so sick, and now had to stay yet another day in the hospital, Sharon had told Chris that we were approaching the unfortunate time of having to hand our baby girl over to the funeral director. When I had awakened from my nap, Chris shared this information with me. I knew this day would eventually come, but as her mother, I just wasn’t ready. I asked Chris to hand Sephora to me, and I held and kissed her for a while. At this time, Sharon walked into my room, held my hand, and just sat with me for a few minutes. She told me the funeral director would be arriving in nearly an hour and a half…to which I sobbed a little harder.

My day nurse came in a few minutes after this conversation took place, to check my blood pressure. Of course, it was too high yet again for me to be discharged from the hospital, and I had to get back into bed to relax for a bit. I handed Sephora to Chris and got back into bed. Chris continued to hold and rock Sephora in his arms as time quickly slipped through our fingers. He eventually sat next to me in bed, and we held her together until Sharon came back to dress her in a new tiny white dress and bonnet. She handed her back to us, and we held her for another 10 minutes until the funeral director came. It was a very trying and challenging hour and a half, but it was beautiful. She was absolutely perfect. She was our beautiful little baby. Our faith assures us that we will be reunited with Sephora one day–and that belief sustains us. We know she is watching over us, and her spirit is with us in her garden. I can’t wait to get home to see the work my husband and our floral designer, Jodi, have done to Sephora’s Garden. Until we meet again my Beautiful Angel. My Sephora Angeline. We Love You.

Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief…But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.” – Psalm 31:9, 14

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2 thoughts on “It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye

  1. I remember how hard it was to say goodbye, it was awful! BUT I have to say I am amazed that the hospital encouraged you to keep Sephora with you for so long! Kuddos to them! I know we are local but the hospital I had Noah at pushed me to give him up a mere 3 hours after he died. I pushed for another 2 hours and barely got that. Since then, I have read of moms who got to keep their babies long like you and it just saddens me what my hospital took from me by doing what they did. 😦 So thankful you had caring and understanding staff.

    • Jenn, I had no idea a hospital would actually not allow you that precious time with your baby. We were told from the beginning that we’d be able to keep her for as long as I was in the hospital. My heart breaks that you weren’t given that extra time with Noah. At least our T13 Angels now have each other…Our 3 Musketeers! N, V, & S

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