Today started as a pretty normal day. I gently rolled over to give Chris a kiss, checked my blood pressure to make sure it was still normal, rolled the other way to get out of bed…we ate breakfast, got the oil changed in the car.
I had just finished telling a few of my family members and friends that I felt like I “feel too ok” given our situation. I hadn’t cried in a few days, which I suppose is normal. On our way back from the oil change, we made a few other stops, and then it kind of hit me. I had my sunglasses on so Chris couldn’t see I was crying. I miss her. I miss her more than I thought I would. I think I’m finally coming down off of that “too ok” feeling, which is a good thing. I wish I could just pop in a ridiculously sad movie and cry hysterically for days.
I started wearing a necklace that one of our friends gave me. It’s a pendant with a mother and baby. It’s engraved on the back with Sephora’s name, and it even has a little screw in the bottom where we can put a lock of Sephora’s hair inside of it. This way, not only will her spirit be with me, now I’ll actually be able to carry a physical part of her with me around my neck, everywhere I go. I know this is a process and there will be many up and down days. I just have to allow myself to feel what I feel, and be ok with it.
Psalm 71:20-21 “Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.”