Comfort and Isolation

I’ve been told I should not isolate myself from my family, however, sometimes I just do not feel like socializing with anyone. I don’t believe I’m doing so, but I do acknowledge that I enjoy being home in the air conditioning with my husband. I’m trying to mentally prepare for today, and in doing so, I feel my body becoming stressed…my migraine knot is getting tighter, my heart is palpitating and beating faster than normal. I wouldn’t be surprised if my blood pressure started to creep up again.

The funeral home is supposed to be bringing Sephora’s ashes to our house today. The knot in my throat doesn’t seem to go away anymore. I need to cry for her and to grieve in my own way. We also have an appointment to meet with one of my midwives to check to see how my incision is healing, and to make sure my liver enzymes and blood platelets are back to normal. We also are supposed to be meeting with our Life Group tonight. I can tell you, at this moment, I don’t feel like going tonight. I do know that reconnecting with our group and centering ourselves back to our Higher Power will be good for us once we get there.

John 16:33 “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage–I have conquered the world.”

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3 thoughts on “Comfort and Isolation

  1. Bethany,
    I’m very sorry to learn of your family’s terrible experience. Nobody deserves to lose a child. While anyone can offer advice, only you can know what feels right for you in dealing with the process. Your family has my thoughts & prayers.
    Nathan

  2. Beth, I fear a bit of what you are feeling in addition to mourning may be a bit of post partum depression or just plain depression, and who given the circumstances youv’e been dealt wouldn’t be depressed? You’ve ridden the positivity wave for more than a week, and now that reality has hit, the feelingsyou are experiencing are probably so overwhelmingly real. Having suffered from post partum depression myself, I can tell you from experience that getting out and around positive supporters seems like so much to bear, but you can truly express yourself with your life group and if you can just push yourself just a little, you really will feel better for it later. If there is anything at all big or small I can do to help you guys or just to lend a open ear, please don’t hesitate to call upon me any time.

  3. Bethany,
    I can feel your overwhelming urge to just hole up in bed and cry….and it is so ok to allow yourself that. No one can tell you how to grieve and especially for how long. This process of grieving the loss of a child is a long journey we travel. It carries us along, where we encounter excruciating pain, anger, bewilderment, and moments of pure desolation. It is also where we will gain endurance, feel love, complete peace, and even joy. Grief has no final ending in which we can say, “This is it! I finally made it! I’m done!” It does, however, change with time and become bittersweet; especially when we include others along the way. My journey has been made more beautiful in getting to know you and Chris, and in holding your sweet baby Sephora. Watching God work and move in you, through you, has deeply touched my spirit. While my heart aches with yours, you are right in stating you need to grieve in your own way. May you feel God’s love completely surround you at the moments you need it the most. Know you are never alone – we are all walking alongside one another in this journey, while our babies are now free and perfect in Heaven, safe in the arms of Jesus. Love and hugs to you,
    Lisa

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