My Little Ray of Sunshine Forever

When I was 32 weeks pregnant, I developed a severe case of preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome which forced the doctors of the hospital to rush me to have an emergency c-section.  Knowing that our precious little Sephora was diagnosed with Trisomy 13 and likely wouldn’t survive, these final hours with her were surreal.  She was about to be born 8 weeks earlier than planned.  Yesterday, I spoke with my aunt, Jackie, on the phone.  She’s only 8 years older than I am, so when we do get to see or talk to each other, sometimes I feel like she’s more of an older sister than my aunt.  When I was sent to the hospital to be monitored in triage (for the preeclampsia), before Jackie found out we were even admitted to the hospital, she immediately left work early, got in her car, and drove the long 5 hour drive from her home in Virginia to be with us at the hospital.  Jackie is the person in our family who usually provides a positive attitude and sometimes comic relief, and she’s always got a camera in her hand to document every single day of our family’s lives.  My husband (her “big brother” she affectionately calls him) told her it wasn’t necessary for her to drive up to see us because he didn’t think I was really as sick as I ended up being.  I am, however, glad she made the trip.

One of the hardest things to deal with these days is the fact that I feel like I’m beginning to forget aspects of Sephora already.  She stayed 5 days with us in her bassinet in the hospital, but I can’t smell her anymore.  I don’t remember how she wrapped her tiny hand around my finger.  I don’t remember ever inspecting her feet or what she even looked like sometimes.  Thankfully we have pictures, and I wish we had so many more.  On the phone, Jackie and I talked a little about Sephora and I told her I felt like I was beginning to forget things about her.  She then said to me, “Do you have the video of you singing that I recorded?”  She had recorded another video?!  “NO!  Send it to me!!!”  I screamed!  We finished our conversation, I opened the video clip on my phone, and watched it.  The tears poured down my cheeks!  How didn’t I know she had this?!  I’m so happy I now have it to watch whenever I feel like I’m starting to forget.  It’s a video clip of me singing “You Are My Sunshine” while Sephora was laying on my belly and crying.  Any time she would whimper, I would start to sing, and Sephora would stop to listen.  We told Jackie not to drive up here, but I’m so thankful she didn’t listen.  We have this precious little clip to cherish and remember Sephora forever and ever.

Mat 6:8 — …for your Father knows what things you have need of, before you even ask him.


3 thoughts on “My Little Ray of Sunshine Forever

  1. Bethany, this is so precious. What a blessing to have Aunt Jackie there with you to capture such a beautiful moment. Thank-you for sharing this clip….it is amazing. Thinking of you so much – and praying for God’s healing comfort. You have such an incredible testimony of His faithfulness and love – it is very inspiring!

  2. Im not even sure how I came across your blog but I have read it up to this point and after watching you sing and her sing back to you …with another wave of tears I had to write you. I had my first daughter June 18th 2012 and thankfully she is well. You lived every mothers worst fear that something is wrong with your baby, then to have to endure perhaps the hardest thing in life that being the loss of a child. My heart breaks at your story and the tears are unstoppable from one mother to another. I had never heard of trisomy13 ever until tonight a mom posted a question asking if anyone had been given your diagnosis….After reading what may happen with this diagnosis my hearts breaks a little more for yet another stranger,yet fellow mother and friend. I will keep reading your posts, I just had to say how touched I am by your story. I wish I could give you a hug…ps the teddy bear of Sephoras heart beat is a wonderful and gracious memory of a sweet and perfect little soul you were able to love.

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