This weekend has definitely been an emotional challenge. Yesterday, my husband spent 12 hours outside doing yard work and gardening. Literally! Our beautiful flower beds are his therapy. These flowers are his way of coping with the loss of our precious little Sephora 4 weeks ago, due to her Trisomy 13 diagnosis and premature birth at 32 weeks. I’m thankful he is able to find some peace in gardening. Thankfully, we both are not sad or depressed on the same day or at the same time. We each find something we can do to keep our minds occupied and deal with our own grief during the day, and we sit together on our deck by the tiki torches and try to pick apart and piece together our grief collectively.
Today is Father’s Day. I thought for sure Chris would be extremely sad today. Instead, today is my turn to apparently be miserable! Oh grief…how I loathe you! I handed Chris his gift, “The Notebook” on dvd. I slightly shrugged my shoulders and started to cry in his arms. He’s so great with children, and people in general–I just wish our baby Sephora could be here to spend this Father’s Day with us. She is the missing piece to our puzzle. Today, it really hurts to know she physically isn’t here to cuddle and cry and sing to. I decided to give him “The Notebook,” because my husband is quite the “hopeless romantic.” I love that about him. When we met, he was telling me about this author that had written so many best sellers. His romance novels would just tug at your heart as you read them…Nicholas Sparks. “The Notebook” is one book and movie that you can watch over and over again, and never tire of. Even though the movie ends differently than the book, the story of Ally and Noah is a love story that we absolutely love.
Noah: “Would you just stay with me?
Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us! We’re already fighting!
Noah: Well that’s what we do! We fight! You tell me when I’m being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you’re being a pain in the ass! Which you are, 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings, you have like a two-second rebound rate and you’re back doing the next pain in the ass thing.
Allie: So, what?
Noah: So it’s not gonna be easy, it’s gonna be really hard. And we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever. You and me. Everyday.”
This scene from the movie makes me laugh out loud because these days this passage really embodies us. Because of our grief, I feel our communication is very lacking some days. I do know our love springs eternal, and when we come together at the end of a very long day, our love for each other is obvious.
My husband is incredible. He is my life supporter, my encourager, my motivator, my cheerleader, my coach, my gardener, my housekeeper, my personal chef, my editor, the love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and he embodies everything I want to be…give or take a few things (insert laugh here!) I’m thankful God brought us together when we were ready to embrace each other. I’m thankful for where we’ve come from, where we’ve been, and where we are headed. I couldn’t walk through Sephora’s Journey without him, nor would I want to ever be without him. Like “The Notebook,” I pray our love is strong enough to take us home together. Happy Father’s Day Babe. I Love You with all of my heart.
1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.