After a very difficult 1st week back to work, I feel like I am finally adjusting to my life without Sephora. Losing her so quickly after birth to Trisomy 13, has been the most challenging and difficult adjustment I’ve ever lived through. I never thought going back to work would be as depressing as it was. I thought working would bring back a sense of normalcy. It’s been 7 weeks since she was born, and unfortunately, most people have moved on and aren’t grieving for her anymore. Sephora just wasn’t part of their reality. She will always be a part of my reality. She’ll always be my first born. She’ll always be my first daughter. She has my heart, and a piece has been broken for her. While many have moved on, I unfortunately, don’t believe I’ll ever stop grieving for her. I’ve read most of a parents grief begins to fizzle a little bit after 2 years has passed! I can’t imagine continuing this grieving cycle for two years! I’ve discovered grief is all part of the process, but Sephora would really want us to continue life without her and to be happy. She knows how much we love her, and she’ll never be forgotten. We gave her love every day of her life from the moment she was beginning to grow. I believe when we laugh, she laughs as well. Sephora will always be a part of us, and I’m sure we will see aspects of her in our other children.
Chris and I have decided after living all of Sephora’s life, carrying her for as long as we were able, feeling her move in my belly, listening to her heart beat, singing to her every day, and then having to kiss her and send her up to Heaven, we are in desperate need of a vacation! We need a place to go to get away for a little while to reconnect and relax. I know we won’t be able to escape from our grief, but leaving our home to go to paradise will definitely be a wonderful change of scenery. We are hoping to go somewhere in the Carribbean within the next few weeks. Fingers crossed a wonderful vacation makes its way to us!
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.