It’s hard to believe Sephora’s due date was only last week, but she was born 2 months ago today. Sometimes, I feel like my body betrayed me. Preeclampsia? HELLP Syndrome? Really?! Because I got sick at 32 weeks 3 days, our precious Sephora was born earlier than we had planned for. As I am reminded of the sound of her heart beat from the bear that plays it across the room, I’m taken back to the memories of the hospital that day. Since I wasn’t going to be put through the labor process, there was no concern for Sephora’s tiny heart and body to be stressed. The Trisomy 13 affected every single cell in her body, making all parts of her organs “abnormal.” We didn’t know how she would do once the umbilical cord was cut and she was separated from me. Therefore, we listened to the sound of her heart beat for the 9 hours we were in my room, before they had taken me back for a c-section.
From the second Chris brought her over to me, I was in love. This tiny little person, who we created, who we got to know for 8 short months, had completely stolen a piece of my heart. Although she never opened her eyes to see me, she knew who I was. When the doctors said she’d only survive a few minutes, I mustered up the courage to sing our song, “You Are My Sunshine.” She came to life as I sang to her. She wasn’t so blue anymore. She started to cry a little bit more. Each time I sang, she would quiet herself to listen. Yes. She knew me. She knew love. She’ll open her eyes to see me when I meet her again in Heaven. Our precious baby. Our tiny angel. Our Sephora Angeline. I can almost hear my little angel whispering one of the most powerful biblical quotes my husband and I have read since going through our situation….through the apostle John, Sephora tells me,
“So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.” John 16:22 (NIV)