My husband heard a song on the radio that completely touched his heart when we were still pregnant with our precious little Sephora. Any time it would play on the radio, he would quickly change the station. This song would always make us cry, almost hysterically. I got the courage to listen to it while driving alone in my car yesterday. Of course, the emotion of the loss of Sephora to Trisomy 13 made the tears well up in my eyes. It’s a beautiful song by Mark Schultz, “What it means to be loved.” This song is about a family in a similar situation as ours. They found out the baby likely wouldn’t survive after birth. Unlike Sephora’s story, this baby actually lived. The chorus sings, “I wanna give her the world. I wanna hold her hand. I wanna be her Mom for as long as I can. I wanna live every moment until that day comes. I wanna show her what it means to be loved! We certainly showed her love, and love is absolutely what Sephora knew. Every second of every day of her short little life, she was loved on by everyone we came in contact with.
Today marks 11 weeks since her birth. Although we don’t feel like we are “stuck” in our grief anymore, we certainly do miss her every day. The beauty of all creation that surrounds us brings little memories of Sephora flooding back. Before we left for our wonderful vacation to the Bahamas, I was visiting with my best friend, Annette. She noticed something yellow that kept flying around her back yard. She looked over at me and said, “It’s only hanging around here because you’re here. You know that right?” This beautiful yellow butterfly flew around her yard, and stayed for over an hour. A yellow butterfly. Not the same species as the yellow butterfly I saw when I first came home from the hospital. But it was a butterfly, and it was yellow. Sephora’s memory filled my spirit in that moment, and brought a smile to my face. The biblical passage below, as well, brings a smile to my face as even though the common interpretation talks about the spirit of God making us new in Him, it gives me comfort when I see beautiful butterflies and think of my angel baby.
2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.