12 Weeks in Heaven Must Be Incredible

How does a person keep their eyes and motives set toward our final destination, rather than tomorrow?  I’ve come to realize I have a greater thirst for something the world just isn’t able to satisfy.  When a bad day clouds my emotions from what actually is, some type of symbol grabs my attention to prove to me, there is something greater than myself.  After discussing this with our life group, I see that I can focus my sights on Heaven because our little Sephora is there waiting for us!  I opened the closet where I keep all of Sephora’s little mementos, and for a brief second, I thought I saw her there.  That’s a small vision of what my heart wishes to see I suppose.  I squeezed the teddy bear that plays the sound of her heartbeat to remind myself that she is still with me.  The pendant I wear around my neck bares a part of her as well.

Sephora would have been 12 weeks old today.  At my job, I see many young children every day.  The children that I see that are around Sephora’s age, makes my heart skip a beat.  At the off chance that a baby would share her same birth day or birth month, makes me ache for her even more.  In most cases, I want to run up to these mothers and ask to hold their precious babies.  I would never let a random grieving mother that I didn’t know come anywhere near my child.  I do get to spend time with little ones at church, since I have been volunteering in the nursery.  Playing with those children for the brief hour that I see them helps to suppress my ache for Sephora and brings happiness to my soul.

Psalm 84:2-4
My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.
Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you.
(NIV)

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2 thoughts on “12 Weeks in Heaven Must Be Incredible

  1. Happy 12 week Birthday in Heaven to Sephora! What a beautiful post. I wanted to let you know that when I read it earlier today I was moved by your statements on how seeing the little ones bring happiness to your soul. I have been so afraid to let a baby anywhere near me because I was afraid it would only compound the grief. You gave me the courage today to hold my best friend’s 10 week old child for the first time. And you know what? You are right!! Thank you for helping to give me the strength to hold him. Instead of bringing tears like I feared I did feel happiness holding a healthy new life. I know the anniversaries are hard, but I know Sephora was smiling down on you all day. Sending thoughts and prayers to your family!

    • I am so glad you mustered up the courage to cuddle with her little one! As scary as it may have been to comprehend…to me, a baby is a baby…A beautiful gift that was created to be loved by everyone. As much as I wish I could cuddle with my own daughter, holding and allowing myself to give love to another little one, really does soothe my aching heart. ((HUGS))

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