Archive | June 2013

Sephora’s Baby Brother, Miles (Part 3)

I started pushing at 12:30pm, an hour after I was told I was fully dilated–this was because Miles’ heart rate stabilized and I didn’t have the urge to push.  We asked for a mirror so I could watch my progress, and witness our precious rainbow baby’s birth!  I must say, watching my son be born from my own body really is a miracle.  So many people have said the process of creating a baby is a miracle.  I never believed them when I would hear this, because I always felt like that’s just something “we are taught to say.”  Just like many people make comments about just wanting a healthy baby versus a specific gender.  I completely understand this now!  From the creation of Sephora, learning that one extra teeny tiny chromosome had managed to penetrate into her DNA (Trisomy 13), that this chromosome would in fact take our precious first born from us only 4 1/2 hours after she was born…life really is a miracle.  The millions of divisions of cells that have to split at the right time, in the correct way, it’s amazing how many of us actually exist on Earth.  When Sephora passed away, all we ever wanted was a healthy baby to bring into our home.  This was about to happen on May 9!

We started pushing shortly after 12:30pm on May 9, 2013.  When I say we, I mean we.  My husband, brother, and parents were in the room with me, and I swear everyone in the room held their breath and pushed with me.  We pushed for 41 minutes.  I hear for a first time vaginal delivery, that’s pretty quick!  (I’ll toot my own horn now!)  After the midwife safely delivered his head and shoulders, I reached down, pulled him out, and laid him on my chest!  (Cue water works!)

Immediately after Miles was born, Daddy leans down for a kiss

Immediately after Miles was born, Daddy leans down for a kiss

Daddy cutting the umbilical cord

Daddy cutting the umbilical cord

Baby Miles 7lbs. 9oz. 20.5in.

Baby Miles
7lbs. 9oz. 20.5in.


Taking all of him in

Taking all of him in

John 1:16 – From the fullness of His grace, we have received one blessing after another.


Sephora’s Baby Brother, Miles (Part 2)

After arriving at the hospital on Wednesday, May 8 at 10pm, we checked in to triage and were placed in a room to be hooked up to the monitors.  These monitors measure the frequency and intensity of the contractions and the baby’s heart rate.  Around midnight (May 9), we were informed that my contractions were indeed regular enough to be admitted.  We were staying!  Our little boy was going to be born at some point in the next day or so!  One of the nurses escorted us to our labor and delivery room down the hall.  We met my nurse for the night shift, Kimberly, who was such a sweetheart!  She had curly red hair, a nose ring, and the most gentle spirit I’ve met in a long time.  She encouraged us to try to get some sleep because this process was probably going to take some time.  Chris and I were definitely going to take advantage of the sleeping time because we’d been so active the entire day before, and it was 1:45am!  We took her advice since I still wasn’t experiencing any pain at this point, even though my contractions were 5 minutes apart and I was 1 centimeter dilated.

As we were literally crawling into bed, I’m standing right next to the bed at this point, I hear ::pop::  ::whoosh::!!!  My water just broke ALL OVER THE FLOOR!  “Wow!  So that’s what that feels like,” I said while laughing hysterically!  The first contraction after my water broke was NO LAUGHING MATTER.  Wow.  It was definitely game on now!  I rocked on the birthing ball, slow danced with Chris, showered for a bit…and then the back labor started!  Kimberly encouraged me to rest on my hands and knees to try to get Miles to flip from face up to face down.  This would make the back labor go away.  It took almost 2 hours for him to flip, but finally he did.  I was exhausted by this time.  We’d been awake for almost 24 hours.  I wanted to sleep, but there was no sleeping through those contractions!  To my discontent, Kimberly and Chris convinced me to lay in bed where I in fact did fall asleep in between contractions.  This was the most annoying part of labor in my opinion.

Now 5am, I was beginning to break.  I was losing control of my mind and was starting to quit this whole labor process.  I remember thinking to myself, “There is no way in H*** I’m ever doing this again.”  I knew that was a lie, so I didn’t speak it out loud for anyone else to hear.  I did however, notify Chris and Kimberly that I wanted the epidural as soon as I was able to get it.  I gave labor my best shot, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around the pain anymore.  Finally, at 8:30am, after tracking down the anesthesiologist, the epidural was administered.  After about 3 contractions, the medication was doing its job and I was almost smiling again.  Once I was comfortable, my midwife came to check me, and told us we were 5 centimeters!  We were definitely making progress, and would meet our precious little Miles soon!

The gang's all here!

The gang’s all here!

After the epidural kicked in, we finally started calling family and friends to notify them that Baby Miles would be here by day’s end.  My parents and brother came to “hang out” with us in labor and delivery for the day.  Miles started to have some heart decels (slowing of the heart rate) throughout the course of the night and during the day as I labored.  They wanted to give me pitocin to make my contractions more intense and closer together, but each time the nurse tried to hook it up, his heart rate would drop again.  At one point, his heart dropped into the 60s and they were about to take me back for an emergency c-section.  Thankfully, that scary moment didn’t last too long, and his heart rate did recover.  From that point on, they had me wear an oxygen mask to ensure he was getting enough good oxygen to keep him stable.

My midwife came in to check me around 11:30am when his heart rate had recovered from the last 60 decel, because they were extremely concerned for his safety.  She and the nurse both looked at us and said, “Your contractions are still too far apart to make good change, but I’ll check you anyway.”  She looks up at me with a big smile and told me we were fully dilated and ready to go!  I looked at Chris and I bawled.  Finally!  After the life and loss of our precious little Sephora Angeline, our “Beautiful Angel,” we finally would get to meet her baby brother!!

It's go time!  Daddy is psyched!

It’s go time! Daddy is psyched!

James 1:12 – God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation.  Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Sephora’s Baby Brother, Miles (Part 1)

Hello my faithful blog followers!  I have fallen off the blog wagon for a bit, but I am back!  Now…to catch everyone up!

Baby Miles was due on Wednesday, May 1, 2013.  May 1st came and went.  Miles certainly had plans of his own.  At this point, I had not gained any weight in approximately 6 weeks.  (I gained 20 pounds during this entire pregnancy).  My doctors and midwives didn’t seem to feel that was an issue because he certainly was still growing!  Unlike my pregnancy with Sephora, I did not experience ANY problems with my blood pressure, swelling, or excessive weight gain.  I have to say, this was a relatively easy pregnancy.

38 weeks

38 weeks

Around 38 weeks is when I started to get pretty uncomfortable.  Miles’ butt and feet were wedged so far up into my ribs, I would walk around with an icepack on top of my belly just to numb the area.  Every day that we got closer to his due date, I would nest even more obsessively.  His clothes were washed and folded.  His crib was set up and made for him to sleep in it, even though he probably wouldn’t be sleeping in it for a few months.  His bassinet and blankets were laid out ready to swaddle him and keep him warm.  But still, Miles just wasn’t ready.

40 weeks

40 weeks

I decided at 40 weeks 2 days that I would stop working and just try to rest…or not rest!  My husband and I were trying everything at this point to get me to go into labor naturally.  If I did not go into labor on my own, I would have to have a c-section.  Because Sephora was born by c-section, they could not induce me because of the 1% chance of my uterus rupturing open where my scar is.  Apparently, your uterus is much weaker at the incision sight after a previous c-section.  Our c-section was scheduled originally for Wednesday, May 8 at 41 weeks gestation.  We convinced my doctor to push us back a few days, just so I had an opportunity to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).  It then was scheduled for Friday, May 10.

On Wednesday, May 8, my husband decided to stay home from work to spend some time with me, and to again try everything we could to get labor started!  We walked 2 miles every day for 2 weeks straight, (which never worked), but Chris insisted we walk.  We walked 4 miles that day!  I looked at him after we arrived back home and told him, “I will NOT walk any more until this baby comes!”  I had been having irregular Braxton Hicks contractions for over a week at this point.  After our walk however, these non-painful “Braxton Hicks” contractions were coming every 4-6 minutes.  My husband made me call my doctor because these contractions were consistent for over 2 hours.  After speaking with the hospital midwife on staff that night, she told me to come in to be monitored so we could really see what was going on.

Habakkuk 2:3  – This vision is for a future time.  It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.  If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place.  It will not be delayed.

32 weeks 3 days…

Written in March 2013


I’ve been doing a lot of reflection during this pregnancy. Even though being sad comes along with the grieving process, I’m grateful for the sadness and tears, and I embrace them whole heartedly. Sephora would have been 10 months old this month. Some days it feels as though her pregnancy and her life never existed. It is in the moments of the sadness, that I’m able to relive the day of her birth. In those moments, I’m reminded of how real she was and how beautiful and perfect her precious life was as well.

Tomorrow, 32 weeks 3 days, was the exact gestation that I was diagnosed with the HELLP syndrome, which determined Sephora’s birthday. What crazy about this, is I feel completely different! I never realized how sick I actually was at this point in my pregnancy with Sephora. Today, my ankles are skinny. I have gained half the amount of weight now that I had with Sephora, because I’m not retaining the amount of fluid that had built up with her as well. Please don’t misunderstand me. I loved every second that I got to spend with our precious little Sephora Angeline. Because I’m not sick during this pregnancy, I’m enjoying our precious little Miles even more! With just under 2 months until Miles makes his appearance, I am embracing and welcoming the grief that I feel today.