Archive | August 2013

Is He Your First Baby?

I meet many people throughout the course of the day, who stop and say how beautiful our little Miles is.  They’ll ask his name, how old he is, how much he weighs…and then this question always seems to follow… “Is he your first?”  I usually let out a long, heavy sigh before I attempt to answer this question.  Do I tell the truth and give as many descriptive details about Sephora’s life as I can?  Or do I simply say yes, and move on?

Our first baby passed away.  She had a severe and extremely rare chromosome abnormality that 1 in 16,000 babies are diagnosed with.  Trisomy 13.  I learned at my 20 week ultrasound appointment that she had several internal issues that we later would find were lethal to her.  We named her Sephora Angeline after that appointment.  It didn’t matter what any medical professional had to say to us.  She was our first baby.  Our first daughter.  Our little Sephora.

Days passed, and we met with a neonatologist who recommended they perform an amniocentesis to determine exactly what was ailing our baby.  When we discovered Trisomy 13 was in fact the correct diagnosis, we were sitting at our kitchen table.  When I hung up the phone, I collapsed into my husband’s arms and cried.  Our first baby wasn’t going to live outside of my body for very long.  All we could do was love her.  We loved her even more after we’d learned about her fatal diagnosis.  Every day from that point on was spent singing to her and rubbing my belly, poking her and feeling her poke back.  We made memories with her throughout my pregnancy, and we couldn’t wait to meet her.

We knew Sephora’s life would be short.  We grieved for her during my pregnancy, and we grieved for her after she had passed away.  We loved her every second of every day she was with us.  Today, as I kissed her baby brother’s cheek, I imagined what it would be like to have a toddler running around the house.  What would she look like?  What would we be doing with her?  What would we be teaching her?  What would she be doing to make her baby brother giggle?  I miss her today, but I will see her again!

1 Corinthians 13:7  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.


The Story About the Dimple!


A few weekends ago, at my best friend’s baby shower, Miles was dressed to impress!  His new little girlfriend was born only a week ago, and we can not wait to meet her!  As a group of us were talking and laughing about our kids, Miles started to join in too! When he smiled, one of the girls noticed the dimple on his right cheek.  When he was born, we noticed his cute little dimple, but have no idea where he got it from.  Neither my husband or I have dimples, so I mentioned his cute little dimple to another mom whose baby also had Trisomy 13 when we met up for a lunch date.  Her rainbow baby boy also has 1 dimple on his cheek, and no one else in her family has dimples!  When she went home, she had to investigate how our little boy both have a single dimple.  She found there is an old wives tale that says, “A dimple comes from the kiss of an angel before leaving Heaven.”  When I shared this with the girls at the shower, one of my really good friends started to cry.  It is nice to know that my husband and I aren’t the only people who still grieve over Sephora.  Before my labor with Miles started, Chris and I looked up to the Heavens and told Sephora she’s had enough time playing with her baby brother.  It was time to give him a hug and a kiss, and send him down to Earth from Heaven.  She certainly listened!  Now her kiss has left a permanent mark on Miles’ little cheek for us to see her every day through her baby brother’s beautiful smile!  Today, I remember our precious little Sephora and give Miles’ right cheek a few extra kisses.