It is hard to believe that Sephora would have been 1 1/2 years old already. As I sit and write today, I’m currently watching Miles play with his toys on the floor and crawl around the room to pull himself up using anything he can hold onto. It makes me wonder what Sephora and Miles would be doing together. Would she nicely share all of her toys? Would she be chasing the dog around the house? Would I be chasing her while she chases the dog around the house? I’d imagine she’d be dressed in something frilly with little curly pigtails in her hair.
The holiday season wasn’t as challenging as I’d imagined it would have been. We had our moments when we wished she were here to open presents, to giggle with excitement, and to make holiday crafts together. We spent the days as a family, enjoying our time while playing with our little rainbow baby boy. …and then I’d heard the ignorant comment through the grape vine, that someone couldn’t believe we were still talking about her. How could we still be grieving for her? Why haven’t they moved on? My answer is simple. Losing a child is completely different than losing a parent or other family member. It is unnatural for any mammal to bury a baby. Elephants, whales, monkeys, chimpanzees, dolphins…they all grieve for babies that have passed away. We all grieve for as long as we live. You should thank God that you’ve never had to experience as loss like ours. Hold your kids a little tighter tonight knowing they are safe in your arms and not in the ground or in a tiny urn on the shelf.
Some days I still wonder why our baby had to be the one to leave earth after 4 1/2 hours of life to be made an angel in Heaven. Why did she have to have Trisomy 13, a chromosomal abnormality that 1:16,000 babies get? She looked so perfect on the outside. Why did every cell inside her body have to be “abnormal?” For what purpose was she given to us, only to say goodbye so soon after her birth? The only reason I have come up with…she was made with love and born to show the world that something beautiful and perfect could be born and pass on into a better life. She taught us the real meaning of “love.” All Sephora ever knew was love. She knew love from her family, friends, and people who never met her. I had no problem telling anyone who asked when her due date was, that she wasn’t going to live very long. The amount of belly touching, with permission, was phenomenal! People asked us why we chose to carry and give birth to a baby who likely wouldn’t survive. My answer…She was my daughter. She was my first born. I sang to her every day. We worked out together. I loved her.
It’s Simple… “Love.”