Sunday, May 18, 2014
This weekend was one of the most challenging weekends to get through, in my more recent days. The day Sephora was born was definitely scary. I was so sick…my husband tells me I was actually dying. Sephora was being taken from us 8 weeks earlier than we’d planned for. It was a whirlwind of a day filled with intense stress, fear, excitement, sadness, and anticipation. After we’d been told they were giving me a c-section, so Sephora had a chance to survive for a few minutes, we just held each other and cried. Our friends and family that were with us that day left the room, but all did the exact same thing. They circled the room and prayed for anything that they thought we may have needed for comfort.
Sephora’s birth was extremely overwhelming. Diana, a Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep photographer, joined us in the OR to capture every moment of her life outside of my body. When Sephora was born, they took her to the warming table to quickly warm her up, dry her off, and administer a little oxygen. When the oxygen didn’t work, (she was still very blue), my husband carried her over to me and placed her on my chest so I could experience a few seconds with her alive. After saying hello and kissing her forehead, I did exactly what I did to comfort her every single day while I was pregnant. I sang to her.
Sephora’s baby brother was born 9 days before her 1st birthday (2013.) We walked through “Sephora’s Garden” and celebrated with a few friends who decided to come over. It was small, quiet, and peaceful…just like her.
For Sephora’s 2nd birthday, we enjoyed the beautiful day as a family. We didn’t do too much actually. I’m not certain why this birthday was so much more emotionally difficult than her first. May it is because many people have moved on. Most have forgotten about her, or don’t talk about her as much as before. Why should I expect anyone to remember? She isn’t here anymore. That’s just it though!! She isn’t physically here. Those who weren’t in the thick of the experience with us are busy remembering dates for their own children. …and that’s ok! I wish more people talked about her. I wish more people remembered. I wish her story impacted more lives. Maybe one day it will. Until then…I’ll keep talking about her, looking for little signs that her spirit still surrounds us, and wishing she was still on earth with us.